So Far From Normal
by seether79
Summary: Ianto isn’t sure of what he wants anymore
1. Chapter 1: Just Another Day

Title: So Far From Normal

Author: Seether79

Characters: Jack/Ianto, Team

Rating: R

Spoilers: General spoilers for both seasons

Summary: Ianto isn't sure of what he wants anymore

Beta: lj user"the9thdoctor" at lj user"plotbunniesinc"

Author's Notes: Set after adrift

Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood (There would be a lot more boy action if I did)

**Chapter 1: Just another day**

Ianto Jones looked at his reflection in the mirror as he patted down his blue silk tie carefully. He adjusted the cufflinks on his shirt and straightened his collar carefully. He looked at himself again and smiled sadly; another day was ready to start and all Ianto wanted to do was sleep. He was tired, tired of Torchwood and tired of his life.

He picked up his wallet and phone placing them in his trouser pockets before heading into the living room. Jack had made a mess last night; pushing Ianto across the room and slamming him into wall before he went down on his knees and gave Ianto what only could be described as the most sinfully wonderful blowjob ever given. In the throes of their passion they had managed to devastate Ianto's living room and turn it into a disaster zone. Ianto had been too tired to clean up afterwards and decided to leave it till morning. Jack had sneaked off once he thought Ianto was asleep; Ianto never was and always heard the older man leave, but he never spoke about it, letting Jack keep his routines.

Ianto normally hated a messy living room, the overturned pillows, the mail splashed across the floor would drive him nuts; but today he really didn't care. His relationship with Jack and his position at Torchwood were slowly sucking the life out of him. His life wasn't what he had expected it to be and as he got older he realized that life had very little to offer you when you had lost hope.

He went to his kitchen counter and picked up his car keys and the to-do list that he had written out the night before. He need to go to the dry cleaners and pick up two of Jack's shirts before going to the supermarket and picking up some milk and Gwen's favorite chocolate for the Hub. Then he needed to go the mobile shop and see if they had fixed Owen's phone yet, which had been thrown into a puddle of water during a particularly nasty alien hunt. At some stage he also needed to do some shopping for himself since he no longer had anything edible in his home, a fact which had escaped him until he went to make himself some dinner last night and had found all he had was a moldy carrot and some very dry cereal.

He looked at the mess and at himself one last time before leaving his apartment; not even bothering to lock the door, he had nothing worth stealing.

"Just because he's old doesn't make him crazy, Owen." Gwen said as she ran a hand through her hair.

"He was talking about elephants wearing pink skirts and plotting world domination... He was stark raving mad." Owen replied.

Ianto watched them fight as he walked into the Hub slowly; his hands were full and he really didn't want to drop the milk and have to go out and buy another one. "Morning." He said in the happiest voice he could muster. He was surprised to see everyone was already here but knew his morning errands had taken him longer than expected and had caused him to arrive over half an hour later than he normally did.

"Ianto, Thank God. Do you think you could make me one of your glorious coffees? I need something to help get over this horrible morning." Gwen asked him with a smile.

"Not a problem." Ianto smiled at her.

"Did you know how much longer my phone will be?" Owen asked him.

"They tell me tomorrow." Ianto replied.

"That's what they said yesterday." Owen complained.

Ianto just ignored him as he made his way to the kitchen area, placing Jack's shirts across a chair before starting the coffee machine up. He really wasn't in the mood for anyone today – he figured he might hide out in the Tourist office for the day and just hope that nothing dire came up that needed his attention.

He worked quickly getting everyone's coffee ready, except Owen of course, since dead man don't drink, delivering them to Gwen and Tosh before picking up Jack's shirt and coffee and making his way to his boss' office. He knocked lightly before entering, seeing Jack sitting at his desk with a confused look on his face. "Coffee, sir." Ianto said as he placed the beverage in front of him.

"Thanks." Jack said. "Do you know if the PM has called back yet?"

"He's not calling till this afternoon." Ianto told him. "I also have your shirts."

"What would I do without you?" Jack smiled as he stood up.

"Walk around topless, I imagine." Ianto replied.

"I doubt you would mind." Jack smirked as he stepped up and pulled Ianto over to him.

Ianto let himself be pulled towards the older man and couldn't help but moan lightly when Jack's mouth started to kiss up his neck. "Work... hours. The others." Ianto said, but he could already feel his body responding to Jack's lips and hands.

"They can watch if they want." Jack laughed as he spun them around and slammed Ianto into his desk.

Ianto felt Jack rubbing him through his trousers and leaned up to capture the captain's lips in a passionate kiss. His mind always seemed to stop working whenever he was around Jack. "God." Ianto said breathlessly as he started to unbutton Jack's shirt, sliding his hand against the smooth skin.

"You smell so good." Jack whispered to him as he shifted their bodies so their cocks rubbed together through the fabric of their clothes. "I could touch you all day."

"What the..." Ianto said as the rift alarm started to sound. He and Jack both quickly got up and made themselves presentable before heading down to the others.

"We'll finish that later." Jack said with a wink. "What's going on?"

"Rift activity..." Tosh said still scanning her computer screen. "Near Hope Street, might just be a Weevil."

"Gwen, Owen with me." Jack said. He turned and smirked at Ianto before the three made their way towards the garage.

"Would you like a coffee?" Ianto asked Tosh.

"Still working on the first one." Tosh replied with a grin and she picked up her mug and showed it to him. "You alright, you look a little flustered?"

"Oh, I'm fine." Ianto blushed as he straightened a few papers on Gwen's desk.

Ianto sighed as he continued to flip through the magazine he was pretending to read; he couldn't concentrate and wasn't really all that interested in it. As usual his thoughts were on Captain Jack Harkness and the very confusing relationship he had with the man. Sometimes Jack showed him such love and affection in the way that he treated him that Ianto was sure there was meaning in what they had; but other times Jack was distant and distracted and would only notice him when he was in the mood, to put it bluntly, for a 'fuck'. Also there was the Gwen issue, Ianto wasn't blind – he saw the way those two looked at each other and found himself wondering that if Gwen wasn't a happily married woman, would Jack still be with him or would he be with her?

Not that Jack was faithful, not at all. Ianto knew he had sex with many people that weren't him. But Jack had told him when they first started this dysfunctional coupling that he was not a one man kind of guy. Jack was free to fuck whoever he wanted and that went both ways, not that Ianto ever took advantage of it. He didn't see the point of sleeping around when he was perfectly content with the sex he and Jack were having.

Ianto could always tell when Jack had been with someone else but neither he, nor Jack, ever mentioned it. Ianto was grateful for that. Hearing past tales of Jack's sexual exploits was one thing but he really didn't need to hear about the current ones as well. So Jack would look at him and they would both know and a silence would fill the room until finally Jack made one of his god-awful come-ons and they would fuck and laugh and nothing changed. Everything stayed the same and at first Ianto had loved it, but now it was driving him mad.

Ianto never wanted to change Jack; he didn't expect for Jack to declare his undying love for him and promise faithfulness. There was no point in trying to change the way someone lives, especially when they had been living that way for over a hundred years, but Ianto had thought he could changehimself; that he could be in a fun and spontaneous relationship with Jack with no commitment and no promises and be happy with that. He thought that he could become like Jack but no such luck. The longer they were together, the more Ianto fell for him and the more he wished they had a normal relationship.

He heard the familiar ring of his mobile message tone and picked it up to look, it was from Jack.

_Been hard for you all day, makes alien hunting very difficult. Might send the others home early and then have you on my desk ;) _

Ianto sighed; it was typical Jack, but the worst part was that the moment he was within a meter of the older man he would forget about his worries and the way he was feeling and Jack would have him bent over his desk in no time. It wasn't Jack's fault, how was he supposed to know the way Ianto was feeling when Ianto never told him? Ianto didn't blame Jack for any of it; he just wished he could tell him what he was thinking instead of self analyzing to the point where he hated himself and wished he could just shut his own head up.

"Another day in the fucked up head of Ianto Jones." He mumbled to himself with a bitter laugh.

Jack had been true to his word. Gwen, Owen and he had only been back for ten minutes when his three co-workers had their bags and coats in hand, heading for the door.

"See you tomorrow, Ianto." Tosh said with a smile and wave as she made her way out. Owen had already bolted for the door as quick as possible in case the boss changed his mind.

"Bye." Ianto replied with a small wave of his own.

"Any plans tonight?" Gwen asked him as she pulled her coat on.

"With Jack I think." Ianto replied.

"Have fun, but not too much." Gwen said with a small laugh.

Ianto made his way back to Jack's office wondering to himself if today would be the day he finally spoke up. The day he would finally tell Jack that he needed more than he was getting at the moment, that their relationship was destroying his state of mind and they needed to end this or change it, or just do something otherwise he would go crazy.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked him when he entered the office.

"What?" Ianto asked confused.

"I asked you what's wrong – you have a strange look on your face." Jack told him.

"Nothing." Ianto lied as always. It was never Jack's fault, he cared, he wanted to know. Ianto just didn't have the words, or if he did, he didn't know how to say them. He walked over to Jack and placed a light kiss on his lips. "How was the Weevil hunt?"

"Hard... the hunt wasn't hard, I was hard; which was a problem. I think Owen has a suspicion that I like Weevils a little too much now. I should have told him I'd been thinking about you and all the wonderfully naughty things I wanted to do to your body." Jack told him as he slipped Ianto's jacket off his shoulders.

"Really? Maybe we should do it in front of him one day; then he'll know who gets you hard." Ianto said as he started to undo the buttons on Jack's pale blue shirt.

"My kinky Ianto." Jack laughed already having managed to get all the buttons on Ianto's shirt undone and discarded the item to the floor of his office. Jack pushed his own shirt off as well, leaving both man in only their trousers. "Beautiful."

Ianto laughed. "You're not to bad yourself." he ran his hands down Jack's defined chest before reaching his belt; he started to un buckle it as Jack pulled him in for a long and passionate kiss that made Ianto feel dizzy with pleasure. Jack's kisses were like a drug; the whole world would fade away and he would lose himself in the other mans lips, World War Three could be happening and he wouldn't even notice it if Jack's mouth was on his. He noticed his pants were now at his ankles and found himself wondering how Jack always managed to disrobe him without his ever noticing.

"Work to do." Jack smiled as he went down on his knees.

"Jack..." Ianto moaned as he felt Jack kiss the tip of his cock lightly and run his hands along the back of his thighs. No, today would definitely not be the day he told Jack his feelings.

Ianto opened the door to his flat and sighed as he looked at the mess in his living room; he really should have cleaned that up before he went to work in the morning. He placed his keys on the counter in his kitchen and went to his fridge for dinner. Opening the door he realized he still hadn't gone to the supermarket to get food and unless he wanted a moldy carrot he would have to go without dinner.

He rubbed his temples hoping to stop the oncoming headache he could feel. He was just going to have a glass of water and then head to bed. He was too tired to bother with the mess right now; it would just have to wait till tomorrow. Ianto Jones had become and expert at putting things off lately.

**TBC**

**A/N:** Thanks to my lovely beta, thanks for reading and comments are love :))


	2. Chapter 2: Into the void

Title: So Far From Normal

Author: Seether79

Characters: Jack/Ianto, Team

Rating: R overall

Spoilers: General spoilers for both seasons

Summary: Ianto isn't sure of what he wants anymore

Beta: lj user"the9thdoctor" at lj user"plotbunniesinc"

Author's Notes: Set after adrift

Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood (There would be a lot more boy action if I did)

**Chapter 2: Into the void**

Ianto Jones was not a complicated man; well, not really. Sure, he may have once had a cyberwoman hidden in the basement of his place of employment but that didn't mean anything. He only wanted from life what most people wanted, family, friendship, security and love. But as time moved on he wondered if he would ever get the simple things he wanted. He thought he had found the love part with Lisa, things with her had been wonderful before her death at the hands of the cybermen; they had been the perfect couple, but as with most things in this world perfect hadn't lasted long. Things were different now, and Ianto found himself wondering if he would ever have normal or if normal was even an obtainable thing when one worked for an establishment such as Torchwood.

He wasn't as bad off as some people were; look at Owen. The poor guy was dead, although still walking around, but he couldn't eat, sleep, drink, or shag; nothing. That was it for Owen. His life was done and although he could still talk and walk, he really had nothing to aspire to. No hopes of meeting the person he was meant to be with, falling in love, getting married and having kids. It just wasn't in the cards for him and when Ianto remembered this he felt selfish for feeling so down about his own circumstances. After all, at least he could still breathe and for a Torchwood employee that was a remarkable thing.

"Shit!" Ianto heard the sound of Owen's yell. There were sounds of whispering, scuffling and a loud bang and then moments later Gwen and Owen appeared with worried wide-eyed looks across their faces.

"Is everything okay?" Tosh asked them, her and Ianto sitting in front of her computer doing a routine inspection of all files and the database. It was Tosh's area of expertise but Ianto always offered to help.

"Fine." Owen said quickly and Gwen looked at him with an annoyed expression before nudging him in the shoulder hard. "Well, not fine, but it really isn't a big deal."

"What isn't?" Ianto asked, trying to sound interested in the conversation when in truth all he wanted to do was go up into the tourist office and be alone for a while; escape that madness that was the Hub.

"Well, I was in the mood for a coffee," Gwen started. "And asked Owen to do it because you were busy. Owen said no and then I said he was the only other person here that knows how to do it... Anyway we argued for a while and then he offered to show me how to do it, basically so he wouldn't have to ever again."

"And everything was going fine until..." Owen started but really didn't want to finish.

"Until," Ianto prompted them to continue.

"The handle of the steamer broke off; I was adjusting it and must have pulled to hard." Owen said quietly before quickly adding, "I'm dead Ianto, remember that, if you hurt me there is no way to fix myself. I'm sorry I broke the bloody coffee machine but it's just a machine so don't get all prissy on me."

"Its fine, Owen, I'll fix it in the afternoon." Ianto told him with a small fake smile.

"It's fine, really." Gwen said with a confused look on her face. Ianto could tell she had expected there to be some kind of confrontation over the news of the broken machine.

"Right." Owen said quietly and Ianto saw a look on Owen's face that might have been concern but it was gone to quickly to be sure. "Well, okay, I am really sorry."

"Was that all?" Ianto asked them.

"Yep." Gwen said as she smiled. "Might go grab some coffee from the cafe just up the road. Would you two like one?"

"Sounds good." Tosh mumbled she was staring at her computer screen intensely.

"I'm fine, thank-you Gwen." Ianto replied.

Ianto was surprised later on that day when Owen came up to the tourist center with a look of determination across his face. Ianto looked at him, waiting for the dead Doctor to say what he wanted and then leave him alone again. Owen stood there for a few minutes just staring at him and the gaze was starting to make him uncomfortable. "Can I help you, Owen?"

"What wrong?" Owen asked him.

"Nothing." Ianto told him in reply as he shut the magazine he had been staring out.

"Don't give me that rubbish, your acting all weird." Owen said still staring as if waiting for some invisible barrier to come down around Ianto and he would be able to see what was going on.

"I'm acting no different than normal." Ianto told him calmly.

"You didn't care about the machine." Owen said as if it was absurd to think that one would remain calm over a kitchen appliance being broken.

"It's already fixed. There was nothing to worry about." Ianto told him with a small smile, trying to ease the other mans mind.

"That thing is your pride and joy; you death glare anyone the goes within a meter of it and you're telling me you weren't bothered that I manhandled it... That's just not you."

"You make me sound anal." Ianto said, sounding a little put out by Owen's words.

"You are anal, but there's nothing wrong with that. You seem off lately; your were late today and there's a crease in your jacket." Owen pointed out. Ianto couldn't help but roll his eyes in response.

"So there was a crease in my jacket, I must have missed a spot." Ianto said. "I wouldn't be the first person to do that."

"It's the first time you've ever done it." Owen pointed out.

"Owen, seriously, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine. You're looking for something when there isn't anything to find. All is well. Besides you sound like a five year old." Ianto told him, trying to sound as happy and carefree as possible. He watched as Owen processed his words and could tell that he wasn't entirely convinced by Ianto's performance.

"If you ever need to talk..." Owen started, but Ianto cut him off.

"You're here for me, yes, I understand."

"Well, no, I was going to say Gwen loves to have a chat." Owen tried to joke but it fell flat for both of them. "Seriously though, you know where I am."

Ianto watched as Owen disappeared back into the Hub and thought about the things he had just said. He wondered if his behavior and appearance had really changed enough to be noticed. Jack hadn't said anything and he was the person Ianto spent the most time around; but Jack could be oblivious at times. Or maybe Owen really was seeing things that weren't there; things at the Hub had been rather quiet lately and the Doctor was getting board, maybe he needed to make some drama to help fill in the days.

"Are you staying tonight?" Jack asked him around five o'clock in the afternoon. While Jack never stayed the night at Ianto's, Ianto quite often stayed the night at the Hub; something Jack seemed to enjoy. That was yet another contradiction in their strange relationship. Ianto wasn't sure why Jack liked him being around at night and was always too worried to ask, scared he would freak Jack out by mentioning it.

"If you want." Ianto replied as he took bite of his pizza; it wasn't very enjoyable.

"That would be nice." Jack replied with a smile reaching over to wipe a little bit of sauce off Ianto's lip. Ianto had noticed Jack seemed to be in one of his more affectionate moods today which always made Ianto's day a little harder because he found himself wondering why Jack couldn't be like this more often; since he obviously had it in him to be that way. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Why does everyone keep asking me that today?" Ianto asked.

"You seem a little off that's all. Quiet. Like when you first started." Jack commented. Ianto knew Jack didn't like to talk about Ianto's first few months at Torchwood; Lisa and his betrayal wasn't exactly a fun subject and Jack was all about the fun things in life.

"I'm just a little tired." Ianto tried to assure him. Ianto was kicking himself on the inside; Jack had just given him the perfect opportunity to bring up what was going on inside his head and again Ianto dismissed it and continued to pretend that everything was well.

"I must be keeping you up too late." Jack smirked and Ianto could tell images from the night before were now passing through the Captain's mind.

"I don't mind." Ianto smiled a smile he could actually feel. He loved little moments like this with Jack, where they were just sitting and talking, enjoying the company of another lonely person. While it made things harder for Ianto when they didn't stay this way, he still cherished the small moments. As unhappy as he was he would never take back the time he had been with Jack; they were memories he would hold dearly until the day he died. He really was so confused, wanting Jack but at the same time wanting more than Jack could give him; nothing made sense in his head. "Jack..." Ianto started but stopped immediately.

"What?" Jack asked softly.

"Will you think about us, the team when we're gone?" Ianto asked and wished right away he hadn't. He didn't know why but the question had left his lips before he'd had the chance to stop it.

"Talk about morbid conversation." Jack replied as he ran a hand slowly through his hair.

"Sorry, forget I said anything." Ianto said nervously as he had a sip of water.

"It's okay." Jack told him with a smile. "I just wasn't expecting it. Of course I'll think about you all, you four have been the first real family I've had in a very long time; I'll miss you and think about you everyday, but while I have you here with me it's not something I want to think about; I think I'd go crazy if I did. I want to live in the now." Jack placed his hand over Ianto's and softly moved his thumb across the palm of Ianto's hand.

"I wish I could do that, stop thinking and just live in the now; live for the moment." Ianto told Jack, happy in the knowledge that is lover would miss him when his death came but also sad that Jack had to lose every person he cared about.

"What are you thinking about?" Jack asked with a caring voice.

Ianto picked up Jack's hand and placed a small kiss across the back off it. "Nothing, ignore me I'm in a funny mood."

"I could never ignore you, you Ianto Jones, have a presence that can never be ignored. I can feel you enter a room before I even see you." Jack told him and Ianto found himself wondering why Jack was being so pleasantly romantic tonight.

"Are you alright?" Ianto asked him with a confused grin.

"I'm more than alright, after all, I'm with you."

Jack's romantic mood did carry on through to the next day, and Ianto felt his mood - which had been surprisingly good - hit the floor very abruptly. The day had been terrible with an alien on the lose that could cause people to combust into flames if it touched them and Tosh almost became one of its victims. After many hours and lots of near misses they managed to stop it but the stress of it had caused all of Torchwood Three to be very moody.

"Jack." Ianto said as he walked into his boss's office.

"What!" Jack snapped.

"Umm... Just letting you know it's past midnight so I'm going to head home." Ianto said quietly. He saw Jack's face soften slightly when he realized it was Ianto at the door.

"Heading home so soon?" Jack said slyly as he got up and walked towards where Ianto was standing. Ianto still didn't know how Jack did it, flipped moods so fast. Going from cranky to horny in under a second, a skill Jack seemed to have perfected.

"It's been a long day." Ianto said with a small laugh. "I'll be happy to see the end of it."

"But there are so many things we could do to improve this horrible day before you leave." Jack said with what Ianto had named his 'sex grin', it was a smile that was made of pure lust, and couldn't be mistaken for anything else. Tonight was not going to be tender, it wouldn't be sweet or caring and they would never make it to the bed. The look on Jack's face meant it was going to be hard and rough, pure sex for the sake of sex and nothing else, filthy words would leave both their mouths, there would be bruises on his hips and scratches down Jack's back and by the end of it Ianto wouldn't be able to walk straight for a week. It was the kind of sex the Ianto loved and hated at the same time; he craved it like a drug even though he knew it was no good for him and his state of mind.

"Really _sir_ and what sort of things were you thinking?" Ianto asked and was surprised by how husky his voice already was. This was the problem with him and Jack. Ianto could bitch and moan about their relationship as much as he wanted but when it came down to it, it was just as much his fault as it was Jack's. He played along and stayed quiet and enjoyed the sinful things they would do to each other while it was happening and then he would wonder to himself later why he couldn't be in a happy normal relationship; he was starting to figure out that until you were normal yourself you can never be in a normal relationship. Until he was happy with himself he would never be able to be happy with Jack and Torchwood; he was stuck in a never ending cycle of aliens, sex and hopelessness.

"I am Ianto Jones the walking contradiction" Ianto whispered softly to himself much later as he and Jack lay naked on the floor both dripped in sweat and breathing hard, spent for their earlier activities.

"What?" Jack asked sounding breathless placing his hand on Ianto's shoulder and squeezing it gently; something Jack always did after their rougher sex, Ianto still wasn't sure why.

"Nothing." Ianto replied as he stared up at the ceiling.

**TBC**

**A/N:** Thanks to my lovely beta, thanks for reading and comments are love :))


	3. Chapter 3: Map of the Problematique

Title: So Far From Normal

Author: Seether79

Characters: Jack/Ianto, Team

Rating: R overall

Spoilers: General spoilers for both seasons

Summary: Ianto isn't sure of what he wants anymore

Beta: lj user"the9thdoctor" at lj user"plotbunniesinc"

Author's Notes: Set after adrift

Warnings: Mentions of Jack/someone else, nothing serious

Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood (There would be a lot more boy action if I did)

**Chapter 3: Map of the Problematique**

Jack Harkness had that look across his face that Ianto hated with a passion; the look that said 'I just fucked someone else and I don't feel even the slightest bit guilty for it'. He was Captain Jack Harkness – he could fuck as many people as he wanted, and still come home and give his sort-of-boyfriend a good shag as well. Every time this happened Ianto could feel the bitterness rising in himself, and then the self-annoyance because he was the guy that stood back and said nothing. He didn't know how he managed it, but every time this happened he ended up being angrier at himself then he was at Jack. He really had no right to be angry with the Captain, after all the older man had never promised him anything. "Did you have a good night?"

"No, it was quite disappointing." Was all Jack said in reply and all he would say on the subject. They both seemed to have an un-said rule between them that they didn't talk about Jack's conquests. Jack always seemed to make his way over to Ianto's flat after going out, Ianto really wished he wouldn't.

"Sorry." Ianto said but he really didn't feel it. A childish part of him was quite pleased that Jack was disappointed with his pull.

"Well, you could always help make it better." Jack told him with a devilish grin and Ianto had to control himself so that he wouldn't roll his eyes; he wasn't particularly in the mood for this tonight.

"I'm a bit tired" Ianto told him. Moving so that he wasn't as close to Jack as he had been, knowing that if Jack touched him he would change his mind immediately and let him do whatever he wanted.

"Oh." Jack said with a surprised tone that Ianto had been expecting, after all he had never turned him down before.

"Sorry." Ianto said not really meaning it once again.

"Nothing to be sorry for." Jack told him, looking at Ianto oddly.

"But I'll see you tomorrow" Ianto said giving Jack a fake grin that Ianto had down to an art form now.

"I think you don't give me enough credit, Ianto; I pay attention to you and I know that smile is one hundred percent fake." Jack told him, sounding quite smug in Ianto's opinion.

Ianto really thought he had Jack fooled and was surprised to learn the Captain already had that look figured it out. "Caught me." Ianto laughed nervously. He moved even further away from Jack, almost as though if he was close Jack would be able to sense what he was thinking.

"What's wrong, Ianto? And no more of this 'everything is fine' stuff, because its crap and we both know it." Jack asked him with a concerned face.

"I'm tired." Ianto simply replied. He didn't know how else to explain, how to put words to the things he'd been feeling and thinking lately.

"That's not all, Ianto, and I know it, you've been acting strange for weeks now. Even Owen is concerned." Jack told him, looking directly at him with his bright blue eyes and Ianto wished he would just look away.

"You've been talking about me with Owen." Ianto said, sounding annoyed. He really didn't like the thought of his team mates sitting in the Hub and talking about him when he wasn't around.

"Only because we're worried." Jack said calmly. Ianto knew what he was doing, trying to keep control of the situation; Jack always had to be in control.

"Well, nothing to be worried about so you two can stop chatting about me and talk about something else, like death. You two have that in common." Ianto replied, sounding far more bitter then he had intended – he knew that really wouldn't help the situation.

"Why can't you talk to me?" Jack asked him with such affection in his voice it actually made him feel guilty; which in turn made him more upset about this conversation he really didn't want to have, not yet.

"Jack, what century do you live in?" Ianto asked sounding annoyed and desperate all at once; he wished Jack would just think about things and work this out by himself. He knew he wasn't making any sense but he really didn't care at the moment. "You live in the 21st century not the 51st, when are you going to realize that?"

"What?" Jack asked, confused. Ianto knew Jack would have no idea what he was going on about and he really didn't want to explain it any further. He looked at Jack sadly before walking down the hallway into his bedroom and locking the door behind him. He could hear Jack's footsteps following him and heard the older man try and open the door. "Ianto! Let me in, I want to finish this."

"I just want to go to sleep, Jack. Please could you just leave?" Ianto pleaded loudly so the Jack could hear him on the other side of the door. He personally was surprised it took him this long to crack; Jack had done this same routine to him so many times now that any normal person would have kicked him out months ago, but Ianto was in love, he hated admitting it but he was, but the problem with love was when you have someone you care about you really don't want to share them with anyone else; the problem with loving Jack was he had no real issues with the sharing.

"I'm not leaving!" Jack shouted and he could hear the older man's body moving against the door. "You're upset and we all know you do stupid things when you're upset."

"Thanks, Jack," Ianto replied sarcastically. "Like saying that is really going to make me want to talk to you right now."

"Ianto," Jack said, frustration lacing his voice. "Please just open the door and we can have a cup of coffee and talk about things."

"I don't feel like talking right now." Ianto replied softly as he let his body slide down the door, leaning his back against it and placing his arms across his knees; this was going to be a long night.

"Well, I'm worried about you." Jack told him.

"You sound as though you care." Ianto said, quietly.

"Of course I care." Jack replied, sounding as though he just got slapped across the face.

"People don't come over to their... lover's house right after they fuck someone else when they care. That's not normal, Jack." Ianto told him and was surprised at how good it felt to finally say it.

"That's what this is about." he heard Jack mutter to himself. Then there was silence for what seemed like forever before Jack finally spoke again, "You're right, I should think about these sorts of things... Different times and all."

"Jack, you have been living in these times longer than I have... You think it would have occurred to you by now that people don't enjoy having it rubbed in their faces." Ianto replied with an eye roll even though the older man couldn't see it.

"I'm sorry okay. I won't come see you after I... I'll be more considerate for now on." Jack told him and Ianto could hear the honesty in his voice. He sighed to himself, it wasn't everything in fact it was only the tip of the ice berg but at least it was something.

"I'm opening the door." Ianto mumbled suddenly feeling very embarrassed over the fact that he had locked himself in his bedroom like a silly teenager. He opened the door and Jack smiled nervously at him. "Coming in?"

"No, I think I might go back to the Hub." Jack told him as he pulled Ianto to him and hugged him tightly. Ianto tried his hardest to ignore to smell of another person that was on Jack's clothes. "You should get some rest."

"Okay." Ianto replied, not really sure on how to act at the moment.

"But I want to talk about this tomorrow, really talk." Jack told him as he kissed his forehead. "Sleep well, beautiful. I'll lock the door when I leave."

"Okay." Ianto replied wishing he could think of something else to say other then 'okay'. He watched as Jack disappeared down the hall and waited until he heard the click of the lock before walking over to his bed and dropping down on it. This had not been what he was expecting from his evening and he felt more emotionally exhausted then ever. He really wasn't looking forward to work the next day; sometimes he wished he could just stay in his flat for the rest of his life.

He had felt Jack's gaze on him all day, following him where ever he went. It was driving him insane; if Jack wanted to talk to him then he should just talk, instead of stalking him with his eyes. "Stop doing that." Ianto told him when he delivered Jack's afternoon coffee.

"What?" Jack asked with an innocent voice.

"Watching everything I do. It's very unnerving." Ianto replied.

"What can I say, I love checking you out." Jack grinned. "Sit down."

"Are we finally having the talk?" Ianto said in his usual sarcastic manner, but he only did it to cover up how nervous he was feeling.

"I've been thinking and I don't think we need to have that talk; well, we do, but not right away." Jack told him and Ianto couldn't hide the surprise that crossed his face. He really hadn't been expecting that to happen and it was a pleasant relief.

"I'm glad." Ianto told him with a small smile. "Why the change?"

"I realize that I can be very careless towards the people around me. I don't really think about what I'm doing till it's already been done. I'm going to change my behavior and take you into account before I do things. I'm not going to stop," Jack paused and Ianto knew what he was saying. Jack would still sleep with other people, but he would stay away from him on nights when he did. "Do you understand?"

"Yes. Thanks." Ianto told him. He wasn't sure how he felt about this whole thing. A part of him was so happy that Jack actually cared enough to take his feeling into account and the other part of him knows that this was only a band-aid for a bullet wound. It still wouldn't change the fact that Ianto only wanted to be with Jack and only wanted Jack to be with him, that Ianto wanted a normal relationship. But for now he was content with the small changes because he knew that the only real solution was giving Jack up, and he wasn't prepared to do that.

"Do you want to go out tonight, on a date? It's been too long since I've taken you out." Jack asked him.

"Yeah, that would be nice." Ianto answered, genuinely happy with prospect.

After a few minutes of silence Jack looked up at Ianto taking his hand before asking, "Will you please come to me and talk when something is bothering you. I hate that you bottle everything up, it's not good for you."

"I will, Jack." Ianto lied, but if Jack could tell he didn't say anything. He just leaned in and kissed Ianto softly. Ianto wrapped his arms around Jack's neck and kissed him back, content trying to just live in the moment.

**TBC**

**A/N:** Thanks to my lovely beta, thanks for reading and reviews are love :))


	4. Chapter 4: So Jealous

Title: So Far From Normal

Author: Seether79

Characters: Jack/Ianto, Team

Rating: R overall

Spoilers: General spoilers for both seasons

Summary: Ianto isn't sure of what he wants anymore

Beta: lj user"the9thdoctor" at lj user"plotbunniesinc"

Author's Notes: Set after adrift

Warnings: Mentions of Jack/someone else, nothing serious

Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood (There would be a lot more boy action if I did)

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been reading and/or commenting :)

**Chapter 4: So Jealous**

Jack and Ianto sat in a nice Italian restaurant drinking wine and waiting for their food. Jack had been the perfect gentleman all evening, opening car doors and pulling out chairs; Ianto had to roll his eyes at this, insisting to Jack that he wasn't a woman and did not want to be treated like one; Jack had just laughed happily and continued to be the 'man' on this particular date. "I'm hungry." Jack complained as his eyes surveyed the room.

"Just try and be patient, Jack." Ianto laughed as he sipped his red wine and smiled. He'd been having a far better time than expected. Jack hadn't mentioned his little meltdown the night before, and Ianto was grateful for that. He was in the mood just to have a nice night out with Jack that would hopefully end with some spectacular sex, and maybe even staying the night. For once he felt like they were in a real relationship.

"Patience has never been my strong point." Jack smirked and Ianto was surprised to feel Jack's foot running along his thigh softly. "Have I mentioned how much I love you in red?"

Ianto looked down at his red shirt and smiled a little; he had worn this shirt for that very reason. Jack's foot was making its way higher up Ianto's calf and Ianto had to place his hand on it to stop its travelling. "Bad Jack." Ianto hissed.

"Sorry." Jack laughed. "You're just so irresistible, I can't help myself."

"Try and control your sexual impulses." Ianto grinned.

"After we eat we should go to the pub and have a few drinks." Jack suggested. "Enjoy the time away from the Hub while we can."

"Sounds like a plan." Ianto replied as he saw the waiter walking over with their food. "The food is here so you can stop complaining."

"I wasn't complaining." Jack said with a small pout.

"Of course you weren't, saying 'I'm hungry and where is our food?' a hundred times in the space of half an hour is normal dinner behaviour." Ianto said sarcastically.

"See, this is more like it. When I'm in a place like this I always feel Welsh." Jack commented. He and Ianto were sitting at a small round table towards the back of their favourite bar.

"Why?" Ianto asked with a grin and raised eyebrow.

"Don't know, just something about it." Jack smiled as he took Ianto's hand. "Are you having fun?"

"Yeah." Ianto answered. "It's been nice to just have a relaxing evening out. No aliens, no caffeine deprived co-workers or hungry dinosaurs; just me and you."

"It is nice." Jack agreed.

Ianto found himself wondering if Jack was putting on this softer side for his benefit. The idea that Jack was just humouring him bothered him, he really didn't need Jack's pity. At the same time he didn't want to judge Jack and come to the wrong assumptions, after all, Jack seemed to genuinely be enjoying himself and was never one to fake happiness if he wasn't feeling it. Ianto was trying very hard to not think like this and just be content that he was happy for once. "I'll get us some more beer."

"Thanks." Jack smiled.

Ianto managed to find a spot to wait for service and smoothed out his collar as he waited for the barmaid to make her way over to him. He noticed the man beside him glance over a few times and wondered if he had tomato sauce on his shirt or something along those lines. The man smiled at him and Ianto smiled awkwardly back. "Hi."

"Hi." Ianto replied the guy was looking right at him now. He was tall with blonde hair, light green eyes and was more tanned then most people in Cardiff were.

"Having a good night?" The man asked him.

"Not too bad. How about yourself?"

"Slowly getting better." He smiled, Ianto wasn't sure but he had a sneaking suspicion that he was being hit on; the tone of the guy's voice and the way he was looking at him spoke volumes. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"Am I seeing anyone?" Ianto repeated his question. "Yes, no, sort of. It's very complicated." Ianto was feeling very flustered all of sudden. He realized this was the first time he had been asked if he was seeing someone since he and Jack had started their fling or whatever it was. The team asked things of course but he had never actually had to say if he and Jack were together; he supposed they were to a degree, but did it count if one of you were having sex with multiple people at the time.

"Right." The man said. He had a look of confusion across his face and Ianto didn't blame him. "Is the sort of person a guy or girl?"

"He's a man." Ianto replied.

"So you're gay? Just want to make sure I'm not making an idiot of myself." The man laughed with good humour.

"Well, no, yes, sort of; it's all really complicated." Ianto laughed, he knew he sounded like a moron at the moment.

"I'm Daniel Bell." Daniel said holding out his hand.

"Ianto Jones." He replied as he shook Daniel's hand.

"So would it be rude of me to ask why things are so complicated for you Ianto?" Daniel asked him.

"...I wouldn't even know where to begin." Ianto replied as the barmaid stood in front of him. "Two pints please."

"Not a problem." She replied with a smile.

Daniel took a card out of his pocket and handed it to Ianto. Ianto looked at it, it was Daniel's number. "You're a lawyer."

"Yes I am, please don't hold it against me." Daniel smiled.

"Thanks." Ianto said as the woman placed his drinks in front of him, he passed over a handful of change. "Here, get one for yourself."

"Thanks."

"Good looking and generous, you seem like quite the guy." Daniel told him. Ianto smiled nervously at him as he placed the card in his jacket pocket and picked up the two beers.

"Well, I better be off, but it was nice meeting you." Ianto told him.

"Nice meeting you as well. Give me a call if you ever want to hang out or something. I'm very uncomplicated if that helps!"

Ianto just smiled at him one last time as he started to make his way back over to his and Jack's table. He had no intention of ever ringing Daniel but he had to admit it was nice having someone show an interest in him. He smiled at Jack as he placed the beer in front of him and returned to his own seat, sipping the cool frothy beverage as he did. He noticed Jack looking at him strangely. "What?"

"Nothing." Jack replied and Ianto could tell he was deep in thought. "Who was that?"

"Who?" Ianto asked, not sure what Jack was asking about.

"That guy over at the bar?" Jack clarified as he indicated over to where Daniel was sitting with two other men.

"Nobody." Ianto told him with a smile. Jack looked at Ianto intensely for a few seconds before looking away and Ianto wondered if everything was all right.

"What are you getting Tosh for her birthday?" Jack asked changing the subject and Ianto was grateful for it.

"I brought her a Japanese Children's book, her favourite. She's always telling me how she wishes she still had a copy of it." Ianto told him.

"That's a really nice gift, Ianto." Jack said as he placed his hand on top of Ianto's. "You're always doing things like that."

"It's nothing." Ianto replied as he felt his cheeks going red.

"It is something; you're a good person, you should take pride in that." Jack told him and he picked up his hand and placed a light kiss on the palm. Ianto couldn't help but feel a little giddy; he loved it when Jack got like this; caring and affectionate.

"We should leave." Ianto told him.

"We only just got these drinks." Jack said a little confused. Ianto picked up his glass and downed his drink

"There's beer at my flat, and a bed." Ianto told him with a smirk. Ianto picked up his glass and downed his drink

"I love the way your brain works, Jones, Ianto Jones." Jack said with a grin of his own.

Ianto placed his jacket across the back of the couch while motioning for Jack to take a seat. "Do you want a drink?" He asked, Jack was looking at where he had just placed his jacket before nodding yes. Ianto smiled as he made his way to the kitchen and grabbed two beers out of the fridge.

"Why do you need a lawyer's card!" Jack yelled from the living room.

Ianto made his way back in and saw Jack holding the white card Daniel had given him earlier. He saw no reason to lie about it after all he wasn't planning on ringing the guy and even if he was Jack and he weren't exclusive. "I don't need a lawyer."

"So why do you have it?" Jack asked.

"That guy at the bar earlier gave it to me, I think he was hitting on me." Ianto told him as he placed Jack's drink in front of him and took a seat next to the older man.

"Really." Jack said in a strange voice. "So you took his card, guess that means you're interested."

"No, I was being polite." Ianto told him. "Why were you looking through my pockets?"

"I saw him hand you something and wanted to see what it was." Jack answered.

"Why didn't you ask me?" Ianto said with a raised eyebrow, curious to why Jack was acting so out of character.

"I did." Jack said sounding annoyed, which cause Ianto to feel annoyed as well.

"No you didn't, you asked who he was; not what he handed me. Two different things." Ianto told him, feeling smug when he saw the irritated expression cross Jack's face.

"Fine." Jack said sounding pissed off as he opened his beer and took a large mouthful. "I just think it's a little rude to go out on a date with one person and then get other people's numbers."

"It's not like I asked for it, he just gave it to me. I don't understand why this is bothering you so much." Ianto told him. Ianto didn't know why Jack couldn't just drop this, they were having a great night until now and Ianto just wanted to go back to being happy.

"It's not." Jack said in a voice that reminded him of a four year old who had just had their favourite toy taken of them.

"Good." Ianto replied in a soft voice. They sat in silence for a long time and Ianto had no idea what to say. He wondered if Jack was jealous, which Ianto doubted. Jack Harkness was not a jealous man, he would always say 'jealousy is for the 21st century, I'm a 51st century guy, we're above that kind of thing.'

"He had stupid hair." Jack muttered and Ianto looked at him with disbelief. "And that tan was completely fake."

"Oh my god, Jack. What on Earth is wrong with you tonight?" Ianto asked as he ran a hand through his hair with frustration. Only Jack had the ability to make him so happy and so pissed off all in the same night.

"Are you going to go out with him, because if you do make sure you wear protection. Don't want to get herpes or something." Jack said bitterly as he took another sip of his beer.

"I already told you I wasn't interested. Do I have to remind you, Jack, you're the one that can't keep it in his pants; not me." Ianto said with an aggravated tone as moved further away from the man, not wanting to near him when he was like this.

"I don't like this." Jack said as he stood up and started to pace the living room. Ianto watched him with a look on bewilderment. "I don't like this at all."

"Don't like what? I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what is going on right now." Ianto asked.

"This feeling... How many people have you slept with while we've been together?" Jack asked, suddenly standing still looking at Ianto with a slightly desperate expression.

"What!" Ianto yelled as he also stood up. "You can't ask me that."

"Why not?" Jack asked confused.

"How would you like it if I asked you how many people you've had sex with while we've been doing it?" Ianto asked him. He was really pissed off, he couldn't believe that Jack of all people had the nerve to ask him a question like that.

"I don't know how many, a lot." Jack replied. "Now you answer."

"What is this, Jack?" Ianto asked as he desperately tried to figure out what was going on with the older man's head.

"I don't know, all I know is that all of sudden I really don't like the idea of you running around having sex with other people." Jack answered him. Ianto looked at him with wide eyes. Jack was jealous, he actually was jealous; almost to the point of acting like a crazy person. Ianto really hadn't been expecting this.

"I haven't slept with anyone." Ianto answered softly taking pity on him.

"No-one?" Jack said sounding surprised.

"Not one."

"Really."

"Yes, really."

"I feel a lot better." Jack said and Ianto saw the look of relief cross Jack's features.

"You can't have it both ways, Jack. If you're free to fuck whoever you want then I can do the same thing." Ianto told him as he sat back down. He wasn't sure if he felt sorry for Jack or if he was really mad at him. All he did know was that he felt incredibly tired all of a sudden.

"I know that." Jack said in a soft voice as he also sat back down. "This is unbelievable."

"What is?" Ianto asked him, too tired to even turn his head to look at Jack.

"I'm jealous, I've never been jealous in my life. Gotta say, I don't like it." Jack replied with a small self deprecating laugh.

"Welcome to my world." Ianto said and was surprised at how bitter he sounded even to himself.

"I don't want you to have sex with anyone else." Jack said, sounding small to Ianto, almost like a lost child.

"You can't expect me to be monogamous if you're not going to be. That's not fair, Jack." Ianto told him. He didn't want him and Jack to be over but a small part of him was wondering if this would be the ending of their relationship.

"I could be faithful." Jack whispered as he moved closer and took Ianto's hand in his own. "You'd be surprised at what I can do when I want something or someone bad enough."

"I only want to be in that kind of relationship if it's something you really want. If you do it for the wrong reasons it'll never work." Ianto told him with a sad voice. "If you promise to only be with me, Jack, I could never forgive you if you slept with someone else. It's okay, well not okay, but I managed when you sleep with other people because you've never promised me anything; if you promise to be mine and only mine then things would be different. I know you, Jack. You'll try your hardest but someone will come along and you'll think 'just this once.' It would kill me, I don't think I could handle it."

"You're assuming that I have no self control, Ianto. You've written me off before even giving me a chance, doesn't seem fair." Jack said. They were both staring at the wall in front of them. Ianto wasn't sure what to do or say, he wasn't really sure of what was going on.

"Do you love me, Jack?" Ianto asked after a long while.

"Why?" Jack asked him as he looked over at Ianto.

"Because honestly, the only way I see you being faithful to someone is if you love them. So I'll ask again, do you love me, Jack?"

**TBC**

A/N: Thanks to my lovely beta, thanks for reading and comments are love :))


	5. Chapter 5: If You Don't, Don't

Title: So Far From Normal

Author: Seether79

Characters: Jack/Ianto, Team

Rating: R overall

Spoilers: General spoilers for both seasons

Summary: Ianto isn't sure of what he wants anymore

Beta: lj user"the9thdoctor" at lj user"plotbunniesinc"

Author's Notes: Set after adrift. I have decided to add another chapter so this will be six chapters long now.

Warnings: Mentions of Jack/someone else in previous chapter, nothing serious. Slight Ianto someone else in this one.

Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood (There would be a lot more boy action if I did)

**Chapter 5: If You Don't, Don't**

"Do you love me, Jack?" Ianto asked after a long while.

"Why?" Jack questioned him as he looked over at Ianto.

"Because honestly, the only way I see you being faithful to someone is if you love them. So I'll ask again, do you love me, Jack?"

Ianto watched Jack carefully. He really wished he was mind reader; it would be a wonderful skill to have when around Jack. The man was like a wall sometimes, you never could tell what he was thinking. Jack was the most open person Ianto had ever met, he would say and do anything; he was also the most closed of person Ianto had ever met, always hiding the truth is some form or never saying how he was feeling, making him a hard person to read or get close to. The mystery of Captain Jack.

Jack's expression had become blank as soon as Ianto had asked him the question he'd been dying to get an answer to, and Ianto knew after a few minutes he wasn't going to get one. "Well, silence gives me my answer." He felt a pain deep in his chest knowing that Jack didn't feel that way about him; that the man he loved didn't love him back. Although the pain was horrible it was also mixed with a small amount of relief, he'd finally asked the question; he didn't get the answer he wanted but at least now he knew. In a weird way Ianto felt as though he was finally free.

"I don't know why I cracked up." Jack said out of the blue. "It's not a big deal that you were hit on, after all you're a good looking guy; it's to be expected."

"Jack." Ianto said, sounding frustrated. He hated it when Jack did this, acted like something hadn't happened because he didn't like the outcome. "You were acting crazy just a few minutes ago and now you've done a complete one eighty turn around. For once can you just explain yourself?"

"Ianto, I've never been good at saying what I mean. I try and it just comes out wrong, or people take it the wrong way. My mind seems to race a hundred miles an hour and sometimes I just can't keep up with what I'm feeling. I know I'm not doing right by you, I never meant for it to happen, it just kind if did. I just..." Jack seemed to lose himself in thought for a few seconds, "I wish I'd just kept my mouth shut."

"I don't know what to say." Ianto replied. He didn't know what Jack was trying to say, he wasn't even sure if Jack knew. He wished sometimes he could just let go of Jack - life before him may have been boring but at least things were simpler back then. Ianto felt as though he was falling into a black hole, and he didn't know when he was going to land.

Jack chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair. "I wish I could be more for you."

"So do I." Ianto said softly.

"What do you want to do, Ianto?" Jack asked him.

"I really don't know." Ianto told him. He moved closer and kissed Jack lightly on the lips. "Let's go to bed."

"Really?" Jack said sounding confused.

"Nothing's been solved and there is so much going on, I wouldn't even know how to start fixing it. But tonight... Tonight let's just go to bed and enjoy each other; all our problems will still be there in the morning." Ianto told him as he stood up taking Jack's hand and leading him to the bedroom. Ianto was fairly certain that whatever he and Jack shared was going to be coming to an end; if that was the case then Ianto wanted one last night with the immortal man that had somehow stolen his heart.

Ianto was surprised when he woke up to see Jack lying beside him with his eyes closed – he wasn't sure if Jack was actually asleep since the older man rarely needed it. He looked at the clock and saw that it was just after four in the morning. He sighed, knowing he'd not be able to find sleep again, his brain was far to awake to allow it. He looked at Jack once more before getting up and heading to his kitchen to start brewing coffee. Jack didn't follow him, which led Ianto to believe he actually was asleep; Jack was never one to ignore the smell of fresh coffee.

He sighed loudly as he leaned against the counter. He had no idea what the future held for him and Jack but he knew it wasn't good. He was tired of feeling like this, depressed and sad over the love Jack couldn't give him. The idea of giving Jack up was depressing and Ianto didn't want to, but he knew that things wouldn't start getting better for him until he did. He didn't want to feel so alone while being in a relationship, it wasn't healthy. He'd been thinking a lot about things and he knew he needed to get the courage to what was best, what needed to be done, he needed to start making things better for himself, no-one else was going to do it. Happiness was a concept that Ianto wasn't sure really existed anymore. He had thought he could be happy with Jack but that hadn't happened, but he also knew he wouldn't be happy without Jack; better off maybe, but not happy.

"You're up early." Jack commented he was leaning against the wall watching Ianto.

"Jesus, Jack. You scared me." Ianto said with a shaky voice. He hadn't heard Jack get up and come into the kitchen.

"Sorry." Jack smiled as Ianto handed him a mug filled with coffee.

"You should start wearing a bell." Ianto replied as he took a seat at the dining room table.

"I'd wear it if it was a sexy bell." Jack grinned.

"I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a sexy bell." Ianto told him with a raised eyebrow.

"I think I could make a bell sexy." Jack laughed as he sipped his coffee with a happy smile across his face.

"Wouldn't surprise me." Ianto said with a flat tone. "I think we need to talk."

"Yes, we do." Jack agreed.

"I... Jack, I don't think we're working anymore." Ianto said sadly as he looked at the ground, he'd never go through with it if he had to look Jack in the eyes. "I thought I could change and be more carefree and casual in relationships, but it doesn't work for me."

Jack was silent for about a minute before finally replying, "I offered you monogamy."

"I need more than that." Ianto told him. "I need someone who tells me what they are thinking, who wants to share their life with me, someone whose real name I know... Someone who loves me." Ianto felt as though he was going to cry but refused to allow the emotions to overcome him. He needed to approach this like it was a situation at work that needed to be taken care off as quickly and cleanly as possible. He breathed deeply and let his stoic 'work mask' fall into place. "We don't make sense."

"I think we do. We may not be conventional but normal isn't all it's cracked up to be. I don't want to give up on us." Jack replied. Ianto could feel the older man's intense stare on him but refused to look up and meet it.

"You said last night you wished you could be more for me, I wish you could as well. But you are who you are, Jack, and I don't want to change you. I think it would be best if we went back to being friends."

"We were never friends, not really." Jack told Ianto as he got up and stood in front of him lifting his chin so that Ianto had to look at him.

"Well, now is a good time to try." Ianto said with an unsteady voice.

"Tell me this is what you really want, that this will make you happy and I'll leave right now and we can try and be friends. All I want is for you to be happy, Ianto." Jack said with such tenderness that almost caused Ianto to change his mind.

"It will make me happy." Ianto lied. He saw the disappointment flash across Jack's face before the older man leaned down and kissed his forehead lightly.

"I guess I'll see you at work." Jack said quietly before grabbing his coat and leaving.

Ianto watched him go, ignoring the ache in his chest. He knew he had done the right thing but it still hurt like hell. He knew Jack cared for him, that wasn't in question anymore. But he was in love with Jack and knew it was self harming to stay with someone that would never love him back. He was sad, but at the same time he was proud of himself for finally saying the things he'd kept secret for so long, the things that needed to be said.

Ianto was surprised at how easily he and Jack slipped into the roles of Boss and Employee. They only talked when it had something to do with Torchwood or aliens but when they did have to speak it wasn't uncomfortable or strained. Ianto missed Jack, he did, but he was glad they could continue to work with each other without the hostility that normally accompanied a break-up.

Things got busy, with the world almost being taken over three times, and before Ianto knew it a whole month had passed since he'd ended things with Jack. He knew that being busy helped him deal with the ending of their relationship and wondered if things would still be good once they slowed down enough to actually think about something other than little green men.

Ianto yawned tiredly as he and Tosh picked up the coffees they had ordered from the counter and started to head towards the exit of the cafe they were in. The coffee machine at the Hub had been damaged during a particularly bad experiment with new alien technology and Ianto hadn't had the chance to try and fix it yet.

"Ianto." Ianto and Tosh both spun around at the sound of his name and he was surprised to see Daniel Bell standing there smiling at him. He had completely forgotten about the man who had given him his number the night he and Jack ended things.

"Hi Daniel." Ianto started out nervously. "Um, Tosh, this is Daniel, Daniel, this is Tosh."

"Hello." Tosh said politely as she looked between Ianto and Daniel with curious eyes.

"Hi." Daniel smiled. "So, you never called me."

"No I didn't, sorry; things at work have been busy." Ianto told him with a small smile.

"Are you free tonight?" Daniel asked him.

"I... I guess." Ianto said.

"We should have dinner. There is a great Mexican place just up the road from here." Daniel suggested with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"Okay." Ianto said quickly and was surprised that he hadn't even thought about it.

"Great! Well, as I said it just up the road, the name is Mexicana-O-Rama; sounds silly I know, but it's really good food. Say about eight?" Daniel said with an excited tone.

"Sounds good. We better get back, but see you tonight." Ianto said. Ianto didn't know much about Daniel or if going on a date this soon after Jack was a good idea, but he figured it was time to try and get a life outside of Torchwood and maybe going out for a night was the best first step to becoming a happier person.

"I'm confused." Tosh said to Ianto later on that day. They were sitting at her work station doing general computer maintenance.

"About what?" Ianto asked her.

"About Daniel, what about Jack?"

"Tosh, me and Jack stopped seeing each other about a month ago." Ianto told her. He avoided her gaze and he looked at the computer screen intently.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Things have been so hectic lately I didn't realize." Tosh said softly, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Even if we were still together, Jack, was seeing other people at the same time. We weren't in a monogamous relationship." Ianto said. He was never sure what the others had assumed about his and Jack's relationship. Owen had thought it was more about sex than anything else, he was also pretty sure Tosh thought it was a serious thing; he really had no clue about what Gwen thought.

"Really, you two seemed happy together I just assumed it was exclusive." Tosh said, almost sounding sympathetic. "But hey, Daniel seems nice."

"Yeah, I guess." Ianto replied, shifting uncomfortable in his seat.

"I think you'll have a great time on your date." Tosh smiled.

"Date." They both heard Jack repeat behind them. Ianto turned around and saw Jack looking at him with a strange expression across his face. "Who's your date?"

"Ummm, this guy Daniel." Ianto answered.

"The lawyer." Jack said with a tight smile.

"That's the one." Ianto told him, watching him carefully to gage his reaction. He wasn't in the mood to fight and he really hoped Jack would just drop it.

"Thought you weren't going to call him." Jack said, his voice slightly less confident than normal.

"I didn't, we bumped into each other while grabbing coffee. He asked, I said yes; figured why not." Ianto replied.

"Well, have fun." Jack said with a forced smile. Ianto could tell the older man wasn't happy about things but he was grateful that Jack made an effort to hide it.

"Thanks." Ianto smiled at him.

"I have to say I'm surprised." Daniel said to Ianto, they were sitting at one of the back tables in the restaurant. So far the date had been going far better than Ianto had expected. Ianto didn't believe Daniel was the great love of his life but the man was nice and good looking and they'd been having fun so far.

"What are you surprised about?" Ianto asked him.

"That you actually came." Daniel smiled. "After you didn't call I assumed you weren't interested."

"Things were complicated." Ianto told him meekly, unsure of what else to say.

"So you said; are they still complicated?"

"No, I guess not." Ianto said with a small smile. He wasn't sure if that was entirely true; he may not be with Jack anymore but they still worked together and Ianto still had feelings for the older man.

"So you're not sort of seeing that guy anymore?" Daniel tried to clarify. "Just making sure I don't have competition." He laughed.

"No, things ended with him." Ianto told him shifting in his seat. He really didn't want to talk about Jack right now; he wasn't ready for a conversation like that.

"I'd love to say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I really like you and I've never been good at sharing." Daniel smiled. Ianto smiled back but he didn't quite feel it.

"Do you want another drink?" Ianto asked quickly wanting to change the subject.

"I'm fine." Daniel replied as he pointed to his full glass of wine; Ianto looked down at his own full glass and felt like an idiot.

"Sorry; I'm kind of nervous." Ianto told him.

"Nothing to be nervous about." Daniel smiled reassuringly at him.

Ianto was happy with the way the date turned out, he smiled he un-locked his door. The conversation had been good and although he had been nervous he was pretty sure he hadn't made to big of an idiot of himself. He had told Daniel he would call him soon and they would arrange a second get together. The connection he had with Jack hadn't been there but he figured you didn't always have to feel passionate about someone to be happy with them. He wasn't ever sure if they'd end up becoming a couple but he knew it was good to at least try playing the field a little. It had been so long since he had just dated, the idea of it was appealing; something normal to go in his not so normal life.

"Hi." Ianto almost had a heart attack when he heard Jack's voice; he looked up to see the older man sitting on his couch looking up at him with a miserable face.

"Jack, holy crap, you scared me." Ianto told him. Jack had the keys to everyone apartment just in case of emergency but this was the first time he had ever used the one he had to Ianto's. "Is everything okay?"

"No, not really." Jack answered.

"What wrong?" Ianto asked nervously.

"I miss you." Jack told him. "I've been sitting around all night missing you."

**TBC**

A/N: Thanks to my lovely beta, thanks for reading and reviews are love :))


	6. Chapter 6: Together

Title: So Far From Normal

Author: Seether79

Characters: Jack/Ianto, Team

Rating: R overall

Spoilers: General spoilers for both seasons

Summary: Ianto isn't sure of what he wants anymore

Beta: lj user"the9thdoctor" at lj user"plotbunniesinc"

Author's Notes: Set after adrift.

Warnings: Mentions of Jack/someone else in previous chapter, nothing serious. Slight Ianto someone else in previous chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood (There would be a lot more boy action if I did)

**Chapter 6: Together**

Ianto blinked a few times as he looked at Jack; unable to form a sentence or even a thought. Jack looked sadder than Ianto had ever seen him before, Ianto almost laughed when he compared his fearless leader to a miserable little puppy.

"Please say something." Jack whispered. "Anything."

"I... I don't know what to say, Jack. I'm a little surprised to be honest." Ianto told him as he placed his keys on the kitchen counter. He leaned against it for a second and took a deep breath to prepare him for whatever was coming. "Why are you here?"

"I told you, I miss you." Jack repeated as he leaned back in the sofa and ran a hand through his hair; a nervous habit that Ianto had noticed him do many times now.

"And what, thought that now would be a great time to tell me? Right after the first date I've had in God knows how long." Ianto said with a slightly raised voice as he walked into the living room area and stood in front of Jack. "Please tell me; why now?"

"Because... I don't know, Ianto. I know you think it's because I'm jealous over your date, but I'm not. I've been missing you since I walked out of here last time, it's been so busy I didn't have the time to address it." Jack explained as he looked at Ianto with pleading blue eyes.

"Jack, please. We sorted all this out, why are you bringing it up again? We're better off as friends." Ianto told him as he tried to ignore the pleading look across the older man's face.

"I've had a lot of time to think. I can give you what you want, Ianto, because I want it as well. I want to know everything about you and I want you to know everything about me; I want to share my life with you." Jack said as he reached up and took Ianto's hand into his own. Ianto tried to ignore the tingle that shot through his body when their skin touched.

"Jack, what's changed?" Ianto asked him. He wanted to believe that Jack really felt this way, that he wanted to have a real life with him; but he didn't understand what had happened between now and last month to make Jack feel this way all of a sudden.

"Nothing's changed, Ianto. When I first met you, I was in lust; 'You're so young and beautiful I knew I had to have you, taste you. I always told myself I wouldn't fall in love with you; I've been in love before and it always ends the same way, with hurt and pain. So we started things and we evolved into more but I still kept telling myself I wouldn't fall in love with you, that I couldn't." Jack paused and Ianto knew the older man was deep in thought. "The strange thing is, you can tell yourself you won't fall in love; that you're not in love, you can say it repeatedly to yourself and refuse to believe the feelings that overcome you. Denial has always been my friend and I've been come an expert at ignoring the truth, and the truth is you have no control over love. It just happens and you can either lie to yourself or you can face it... I've decided to stop lying to myself."

"That was quite the speech." Ianto said with a dead pan voice, unsure of what else to say. It was hard to follow Jack sometimes but if he had followed Jack's words correctly then he was pretty sure Jack had just told him he loved him, in a weird Jack Harkness kind of way.

"Well, I never had a problem talking." Jack tried to joke, but it fell flat. "Please say something."

"I did say something." Ianto replied nervously.

"Say something real." Jack said as he shifted in his seat.

"We can never be normal, Jack." Ianto said sadly. "The idea is a nice one; but we can never have a normal life together."

'What's so great about normal?" Jack asked him, he was still holding Ianto's hand tightly.

Ianto wasn't sure how to respond to that; what was so great about normal? Did he really need normal to be happy, would a normal life satisfy him after everything he had experienced with Torchwood and Jack? "Nothing, I guess." Ianto said softly, he was overwhelmed with his own thoughts.

"Please, just give us a chance. I know I'm difficult and that I've hurt you in the past, but I can be what you need. All I want in this life is to be the person that makes you happy, and I can be that person if you let me." Jack told him sincerely. Ianto wasn't used to this from Jack, he wasn't used to the almost begging quality in the Captain's voice or the desperate way he was holding his hand.

"My life is so far from normal," Ianto began. "But maybe that isn't such a bad thing."

"Does that mean you're saying yes?" Jack said in an excited voice.

"It means that I'm agreeing to give us another shot, but things have to be different this time. I won't just sit back and let you get away with everything; if you make a promise you have to keep it." Ianto told him. Jack leaned into him and kissed him lightly on the lips, Ianto tried to ignore the flutter it caused in his stomach.

"I promise you, Ianto, I will be a better man for you." Jack whispered into Ianto's ear.

"You're already a good man." Ianto smiled.

"We'll make this work." Jack told him, he started to kiss Ianto again and the younger man couldn't help but get lost in the feeling. After a few minutes they broke apart, breathing heavily.

"This will be hard work, Jack. Are you sure you're up to it?" Ianto asked him, looking confused at the large grin that appeared across Jack's face.

"I'm always up for it." Jack laughed.

"Tell me something I don't know." Ianto grinned.

Jack's face turned serious as he placed his hand on the side of Ianto's face and stroked his cheek tenderly. "I love you."

Ianto smiled, feeling truly happy. "That's really nice to hear."

"I mean it, I really love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to say it." Jack told him. Ianto was still surprised to hear the words, Jack wasn't the type of person to be so open about the way he felt; but Ianto wasn't going to complain.

"I love you, Jack." Ianto replied as he kissed Jack.

"Where's Gwen?" Jack asked Tosh and Ianto. Ianto looked up from the coffee machine and shrugged.

"There's three or four life sign's at this location." Tosh said as she pointed to her computer screen. "Non-human and different energy patterns to a Weevil. Nothing we've faced before actually."

"Get Owen, us four will have to deal with it. Ianto, see if you can get Gwen on the phone and find out where she is." Jack told them.

Ianto nodded as he made his way to the garage to make sure the SUV had everything they would need. He couldn't help the little smile that was across his face, he couldn't stop thinking about the night before. He had no idea what the future had in store for him or Jack, but he couldn't help but think they could face anything as long as they stuck together. For the first time ever he finally felt as though he and Jack had a future together, and that made Ianto happier then he could ever remember being.

**THE END**

A/N: Thanks to my lovely beta, thanks to anyone who read and/or commented means the world to me, and comments are love :))


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